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    08 November

    当你失去撒娇柔弱的权利

    可不可以哭嘛,只能借着打点滴,被护士扎破血管,就那么一丝丝疼痛的机会,那么微弱的机会,润黑我的睫毛膏。最终还需要爸爸用棉花棒一并的擦掉。
    当我埋怨所有的不顺心和困难,痛楚一并来到的时候,被人厌弃的说是自暴自弃。我说。我好累,身心和身体的疼痛和疲累。不能像女人如水的娇弱,要比男人更能承受辛苦和压力,无论是工作还是生活。还是病痛。我说每天我都累得像头牛在努力的工作,思索。长期无法安静下来思考,夜里做梦都蹦着一根橡皮经,脑子里反复出现怎么才出现的商机。
    我就是羡慕别人的生活,就是羡慕,羡慕拿着相机拍拍走走,羡慕可以自恋的人。我就是自暴自弃,抱怨这一切的开始。谁让我在最开始的初期,最难走的上坡路要生病,要无力支撑莫大的压力和工作量。
    总是这么强势的我。始终不肯低头,缺又不得不低头。
    我的破洞牛仔裤,我随性的生活,我不想所有都那么的中规中矩。
    我还想做个孩子。我想做个任性的女人,我想。。。我不知道我想什么。
    我就想骂人。想发泄。
    没有力气。哭都觉得累了。
     
     
     
    让我抱怨一晚吧。放肆一晚吧,仅此言语而已。
    我的无助
     
     

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